Happy New Year's Eve!

Happy Birthday to Ian and Tim.  Today they're 17.  Who knew those wee goofy little babies would end up being so handsome and smart and funny and awwww . . . talk amongst yourselves.  Like buttah they are.  (This was our Christmas letter picture - ignore scary Andy - Ian and Tim are on your right, Ian in back, Tim up front.)

I've been down since Christmas Day with a cold/cough thing that is maddeningly stupid.  Andy and Ian have it too, but they're young and don't seem quite as pathetic as I do lately.  I found some good cough medicine in my tool box/medicine box and I'm back up for New Year's.  Just don't ask me to drink or drive.

In honor of the New Year, I've started a Facebook "poll" of sorts.  For those of you not on Facebook, I don't want you to miss out on the fun.  (For the record, we have invited this neighbor to every single holiday/party event for the past 10 years.) 

Happy New Year's Eve everyone. In addition to wishing Ian and Tim a Happy 17th Birthday, I think it's time to start my new annual crazy neighbor poll. We're expecting between 20-40 people (kids and adults) tonight to celebrate the twins' birthday and to ring in the new year. (more in comments) This is actually a "small" NYE party for us. Nonetheless, we KNOW our neighbor will be calling the police. We're expecting people to start showing up around 7ish. Six soaps to the person who guesses closest to the minute when the first police cruiser pulls up to the house

I've debated about adding a paypal donation bar here (you know, for bail money) but I'm going with good will for now.  Wishing all of you a happy, healthy 2011!!!  

(If you're looking to start the year with a clean slate, try amyjosoap!  Check the product page for buy 3 get 1 free!)

Merry Christmas to you too, IN JAIL!

Well, I've done my best.  Our neighbor seems intent on killing anything resembling fun around here.  About 9 am Christmas morning, the gifts were opened and Andy was beyond excited to try out the bow and arrow set he'd received from his brothers.  It was a kid's archery set - no lethal arrow tips.  Just an archery set designed for a boy in the fifth grade.  Mike and Andy headed outside.  As Mike was setting up a "safe zone" for Andy to shoot the arrows, Andy launched an arrow right into Miss Andrea's yard.  We all froze in horror.  But, no one was in the yard and we thought we were safe.  For about 15 minutes. 

Mike and Andy had moved to the "safe zone" Mike had set up.  Mike promised Andy he'd replace the arrow lost in enemy territory during the week (the kit only came with 2 arrows).   I was in the house cleaning up breakfast and puttering when the "knock" came.  It was a police officer, who lives just a street over.  He was holding Andy's arrow - conveniently snapped in half by the neighbor.  Mike took him out back and showed him what was really going on.  I made him a plate of cookies.  Mike and the police officer trade dog and lawn secrets and have for years - they're not friends, but they're friendly.  The cop explained he had to follow up on all the calls.  Mike and I told him we understood and asked what kind of plate he and whoever he was riding with on New Year's Eve would like, as there is no doubt they're going to be called out.  We agreed on a plate of appetizers and a plate of desserts. 

I don't know what to make of my neighbor.  She's not old.  She is sick.  She's lived next to us for 10 years.  The first 4-5 years were fine.  We always remember her on holidays.  She's always been invited to neighborhood parties.  My kids are well-behaved and are not destructive.  I feel sad and sorry for her, but I've given up.  I don't know that there's anything else I can do. 

If nothing else, she's helped us make some good holiday (Christmas, New Year's Eve, Memorial Day, my birthday, July 4 and Halloween) memories.  We know most of our town's police force by name and nothing makes a holiday more fun than a police cruiser driving into your yard.  The kids will remember our holiday raids for sure.

THANK YOU!

Thanks to all of you who pitched in to help at Christmas time.  In all, we were able to help 11 families.  I'm hoping to be more organized next year and ready to help more people.  It's amazing to me how many of you were willing to just jump right in - THANK YOU!!!!

This will tick someone off . . .

That's not really my intention . . . or maybe it is . . . but I cannot keep it inside any longer. Over the past two days I have talked to (and/or read about) FAR too many people who are tossing their leftovers and their candy and/or cookies from Christmas. WAH! It's December 26 folks. 

By all means get back to exercising and eating crunchy, green things, but all of this tossing of carefully planned, lovingly prepared or given food? Who among us has a photo-shoot scheduled for tomorrow? And even if you do have a photo-shoot scheduled, THIS is exactly the reason God made airbrushes.

I'm coming at this from two angles - the frugal angle and the "lighten up" angle. I am terminally cheap. I think it's wrong to just toss perfectly good food. Everyone has holiday favorites that they make once, maybe twice, a year. If it's not all eaten that first day, you toss it? Why not use it for leftovers - kids can handle fried mashed potatoes for breakfast or lunch. Heck, moms can too - 1-2 times a year! Cookies? Duct tape them in a ziploc bag and freeze them. You can crumble them and make pie crusts or ice cream topping or, if you put all the really good chocolate ones in a bag, you have an instant PMS fix during a really bad month until at least June if you seal the bag up well. And the duct tape is a great deterrent for anyone like me with little impulse control.  But don't just toss all that effort and butter and butter and butter.

Enjoy the holidays! Let's go with the 12 days of Christmas - 12 days! (Hanukkah gets 8 days and Ramadan gets a month, so let's go with 12) Out of 365. Eat the damn cookies - walk or run a little more if that helps (or not, I'm all for that for 12 days if you really want a break). Life will go back to normal soon enough.

It makes me so sad to see perfectly beautiful people tossing perfectly great, special food to avoid . . . I don't know - what are they avoiding? A few extra pounds, perhaps. Heck, even if you keep the stuff a day or two or three after Christmas . . . But to toss it all on the 26th? C'mon!

I don't want my kids to think twice about every cookie or every meal over the holidays. We've always concentrated on the fun in making stuff.  Heck we even worked math into it - figuring how many people we give cookies too and how many dozen we should make. We do a lot of baking. We give away a ton of cookies and we still have a ton of cookies. And, for one week - it's kind of a cookie free-for-all. Same with meals. We eat a lot of snack-heavy meals this time of year - and we all know it's mostly once-a-year-stuff. Then we go back to real life. 

I'm sorry to be such a goober - since I do it everyone must do it - I don't mean that, really, I don't - I'm just kind of flipped out about the number of people I've been in contact with who are simply tossing away 11 potentially delicious and semi-nutritious days of Christmas.  Are we the only ones who hang onto our cookies and our leftovers? 

Disclaimer: Obviously if there are allergy or severe health issues I would hope you didn't put yourself in the position of having stuff that could really harm you in the first place. If you received dangerous things as gifts, by all means regift or toss.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!!  Here's some music to get you in the mood.

Been busy around here.  Last night was the neighborhood cookie-decorating party.  The kids roll out the dough, cut the cookies and bake the cookies before they decorate.  I had them put flour on the table before rolling the dough.   To say there was flour everywhere is an understatement (sorry, no pictures, my camera is MIA).  Preston, 5, was really into the whole messy thing.  I looked over from across the kitchen just in time to see him flop down on the flour coated floor and start making snow angels.  How many people can say that about their kitchen floors?  He went home coated in flour, icing and dog hair.  After the cookies, we all took a walk around the neighborhood checking out the lights.  We stopped periodically to play a real-life version of Twister as we untangled dog leashes.  All in all it was a fun night and a great way to kick off the weekend.

Hope everyone is staying warm.  Here's a big hug from me to you.

WOW!

I'm so thrilled I reposted my quest for people who needed help last night.  Now, I find myself in the unfortunate position of being out of money.  I've sent out 7 gifts of $30 and I'm so excited 1) for the people I've mailed gifts to to get their anonymous Christmas card and 2) I have so enjoyed getting to know the people I've met via the internet. Really, $30 can go a long way!  I still have three people who need help.  If anyone reading has an extra $30 they're willing to share, please let me know and I will send you the information.  Otherwise, I'll just wait until we get paid again and send late gifts.  

Thanks to all of you!!!!  I'm totally getting why Oprah does her crazy gift episode every year - it's so much more fun to give.  I just hate that I'm NOT Oprah.  If you can help, please email me or leave a comment.  (email all4mine@bellsouth.net) 

HO! HO! HO!  Merry Christmas. 

Maybe if I rephrase this . . .

For the first time ever, we're actually a little ahead this Christmas.  Inspired by The Bloggess' generosity I thought I'd try being generous too.  But it's not working.  (Jen and Beth, you both mentioned people who could use a gift card - I can do paypal, walmart or target - but I need info can you please email me at all4mine@bellsouth.net? I've set that money aside for those families.)

I actually went to the bank today and pulled out cash and stuck $30 into three different little cards.  But, I'm such a wuss.  I'm just not sure how you go about giving money to strangers, especially when I don't look all that extra special or rich or money-giving-ish.  I'd so much rather give it to you all - people who read here. Plus, I think it's easier to give anonymously and to receive anonymously - we all have to start somewhere. I trust you and I hope you guys get what I'm trying to do. There it is.  I'm a total wimp.  (Probably, I'll give out the cards in my purse too, but it's going to scare me to death.  I'd like to do some fun giving too - if you'll all just help me a little!)

Can NONE of you nominate a mom who has gone without all year (or for years and years?)?  Maybe a mom who cuts her own hair, safety pins her good bra together or who is still using the same make up she's had since high school?  Sure, her family is provided for and their needs are met, but this mom is always in the back seat or in the trunk.  Speaking as someone who has spent a lot of time in the trunk, $30 can go a long way.  A new bra, a Great Clips hair cut and/or a box of hair color, some foundation made post 1990 can make anyone feel like a new woman.  What a great way to meet the new year!  Do you need a boost into the new year?  Do you have a friend who needs a boost?  I'm here for you!  ;)

Nominate your favorite mom (or yourself) who needs a little "mom money" here or via email (all4mine@bellsouth.net).  Who knew it could be so hard to give money away?  LOL.  Of course, everyone will get soaps.  

Ho!Ho!Ho!

When "stealing" is okay - Mom, go read something else please!

Last night I found a new-to-me blog.  The Blogess was posting about how every year she gives her parents the "best gift they never receive."  I was inspired and touched by the post.  I have not felt very Christmas-y so far this year.  Joining Jenny's (that's The Blogess' real name) Christmas this year helped change that.  I volunteered to help and went to bed waiting for my email.

This morning, we had tons of running around.  Part of it was fun, Andy's last football game (they finally won!!!!) in the freezing morning rain, a pizza party and time with friends.  Part of it was not fun.  Shopping.  On the best days, I hate to shop.  Today as I wandered around, I was finding myself getting grumpy about "having" to buy presents for people that neither want nor need anything.  We came home, empty-handed and I checked my email.  Sure enough, I had an email from Jenny and a family to help.  I quickly sent an electronic gift card and, you know what?  That was the happiest, most fun thing I've done in a long time!!!!  

So,  I started thinking.  I reread The Bloggess' posts and I think my parents will like my decision.  They were always there when Mike and I were having a rough time.  When the boys were little, my mom would come sit on them so I could grocery shop.  It never failed that I'd find a $10 or $20 bill hidden somewhere I'd be likely to find it after she'd left.  That little bit made a HUGE difference to us at the time. I've seen my parents help people all of my life.  Usually in quiet, meaningful ways.  I guess I'm a grown up now and I can follow their example. 

So many people are struggling right now just to keep up with the basics - not gifts or extravagances - but rent, food, clothing, car repairs/payments and life's little/big emergencies.  With that in mind, I'm going to take the money  I would normally spend on my parent's gift(s) (plus some soap money) and I'm going to give it away in the form of five $30 gifts to the first five people here who need it. I love all of you who read here and why not spread some Christmas cheer to the people who visit me daily?  I wish I had more to give.  Leave a comment you can be anonymous - you don't need to leave a lot of details, just an email where I can work out the details with you.  You can use the money for gifts, food, heat, rent, a family you know that's in need or whatever you don't have the money for right now.  We've had lots of Christmases where we just scraped through and sometimes, an extra $30 can make a huge difference. 

That's it.  Merry Christmas!!!

Harry Potter + Memories

Nothing new here.  Trying to rest my arm.  Saw this today and, for you Harry Potter fans, thought it was really sweet.  I remember seeing the first Harry Potter movie and thinking that in just a year or two my own kids would be that "grown up."  Really!!!!  They're babies in this movie.  The remix thing is kind of fun if you're familiar with the book or the movie.  More later, I must go to bed now. 

Missing my right arm . . .

Talk about taking something for granted!  Who knew I relied on my right arm as much as I do?  Now I do.  I miss it.  The braces seem to be helping but they are confining and limiting and I'm getting antsy.  I'm used to being able to hop on the computer and type and think out loud and, heck, use the mouse.  I'm getting better at left-handed mouse-ing, but the typing .  . . not so much.

The older boys finished up their semester and I'm proud of their grades and their efforts.  I have the box set to return their rented text-books (this is SO the way to go with undergrad classes).  They are registered for the next semester and the timing of all their classes is great - Andy and I might actually have a couple days a week with a car!  

I was surprised when I sat down with Dan to figure out his classes to discover that he will finish his senior year of high school with an AA degree in college as well.  We were both surprised.  It's fun when a plan actually works.  Dan has done all of the work, but after all of these years homeschooling, I'm gratified and relieved that I wasn't just blowing smoke.  Whew!   I ended up writing his English recommendation for the USNA with an emphasis on the cirriculia I used rather than my impressions of him as a mom.  I would think the above and his test scores tell them what they need to know.  Even though he didn't get a senator recommendation, he is still in the running for "prep school."  In the meantime, Dan is on top of the Naval ROTC scholarship option.  

Ian and Tim are figuring out their own paths.  I'm constantly amazed at how different all of my boys are.  Tim is looking at pursuing an EMT certification and then using that employment to pay his way through nursing school.  He has no interest in being a doctor and, if you've not met Tim, nursing is probably the very best thing he could do.  He's kind, thoughtful, caring and smart.  Tim has had this plan in mind for a while, but I only learned of it recently. I'm so proud of him for figuring out a solid plan that suits him so well.  

Ian?  Ian is too smart for his own good. He likes everything and would do well at everything.  He's just taking a big range of classes and trying to figure out what truly interests him.  He's smarter than the rest of the family combined, so it might take a while.  I'm excited and curious to see where Ian's path goes.

Andy?  Andy is on the very fringes of puberty.  Those would be the stoopid fringes where every day is a brand new subject.  Is Andy stoopid?  Not at all, but we've got a couple of interesting years ahead of us if his brothers were any indication.  I just have to keep reminding myself that he's not being stoopid on purpose.  Growing and hormones are ugly things sometimes.  Heck, I have a week a month dedicated to controlling my irrational hatred of everything on the planet, I can cede a few months to Andy, right?  

Christmas?  I am a little confused.  We're all set.  It's not a big Christmas here, but it isn't totally sucky either.  I feel like I should be doing something, but it's all done.  I'm sore confused.  Mike and the boys have picked up a lot of stuff I usually do because of my stoopid arm.  I love that they've done this, but, I'm at a loss now.  

I'm also feeling guilty for feeling so "done" when so many of the women I know are beyond stressed and just trying to find the time to get the basics done.  I wish I could "give" some of my time to them to give them some relief.  

It's a weird thing having older kids.  I miss a lot of our little holiday rituals and activities, but there's a freedom in giving them up.  Same with activities.  I don't have to drive or schedule most stuff - there's another couple hours in my week.  Fortunately for me, Andy loves the Christmas stuff and the older boys, if they are home, are still into them too.  Not to mention, I live with Mike, the world's oldest 10-year-old.  8)  

So, where are you with your holiday plans? 

Attack of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Locusts . . . and more scary, but true stuff

The older boys are done with their semester at the local college.  A's and 1 B.  Yay them - I'm so proud and delighted that they are able to do so well.  But, now they're home.  And they eat.  And eat.  And eat. It's kind of fascinating to watch, but scary too.  I feel like if I sit still too long, they'll start looking in my direction for crumbs or something.  

They were at a concert tonight.  Mike and Andy and I went to Chili's!  We haven't been to Chili's since Mike stopped working there.  For years and years and years the boys and I all went to Chili's about once every 10 days - just to see Mike because he was never home or awake otherwise.  ;)  It was fun to be back.  Mike still knew a lot of people working there.  He went back to the kitchen (we still know the managers and they save their ice cream buckets for me to use when I make soap - bless them!!!!) and visited with all of his old cooks and dishwashers.  We ate and ate, but inevitably took home boxes with lunch for tomorrow (now today).   That is until the boys got home from their concert.  They ate before they left.  They stopped for pizza after.  And they devoured the leftovers when they got home.  (And, no, this wasn't an episode of That 70's Show!)  They're just hungry every two hours. You think at some point one of them would top 150 lbs!

More true and scary stuff . . . Dan did not get the recommendation from Sen. Nelson or Sen. LeMieux for the USNA. Each senator only has five slots at the academy at any time - if he has four kids currently attending an academy, he only has 1 slot for a recommendation for that year.  The fact that Dan even got to the interview stage is HUGE.  Still, it was disappointing for him.  I'm proud that he sulked for a few hours and got to work again on the next plan.  He still has a shot at what the Navy calls Prep School if he can get all the rest of his teacher recommendations in on time.  

Plan B is the Navy ROTC.  He's applied to five schools and for the ROTC scholarship.  It seems the more he gets shot down, the more determined he is to do this.  He's also planning to reapply to the USNA in the spring.  Keep your fingers crossed.

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  Ugh.  I had this when I was pregnant with Andy.  Now it's back.  With a vengeance - hence my sporadic posts.  I'm limiting my computer time and working the mouse left-handed - badly.  The wrist brace helps during the day, wish I had gotten it sooner.  Getting old absolutely and completely sucks.  

Old Dog Syndrome.  Double ugh.  Scout is going to be the one to finally send me to the rubber room.  She's pushing 13.  You can see in her eyes that she's not all there.  She's like Aunt Bethany in Christmas Vacation only Scout doesn't get it when I hold her chin and shout "THE B-L-E-S-S-I-N-G!!!!" at her. This is so hard for me to watch.  Scout is the best and smartest dog I've ever known.  It took me less than two days to house train her.  She figured out the electric fence in an hour.  She hasn't even had to wear the collar for the fence for years and years.  I can just look at her and ask her to do something and she will.  Until lately.

We've had a couple of ongoing issues.  One, she is intent on trying to chew her tail off.  We've ruled out thyroid and allergies.  The best the vet can say is Border Collies tend to get OCD-ish when they get old and bored and too tired to do anything about being bored.  Nice.  So she wears the cone-of-shame unless someone is sitting right there with her.  

When she's not too old and tired to be gnawing off her tail, she's jumping into the guinea pigs' cage and herding them within an inch of their goofy lives.  She nudges them and sometimes barks if they don't go or do where/what she wants.  It's weird.  

Well, it's been cold and we had to move the guinea pigs inside.  I put them in their old spot and in the time it took me to toss in a load of laundry, Scout was in the cage, there was bedding EVERYWHERE and chaos reigned.  My final solution was to stick the pig cage under our dinner table with all the chairs and benches pushed up close to the table so that Scout can't get in.  :::sigh::: So, now she circles the table, wearing the stoopid cone, whining and barking.  Every now and then we get the pigs out and let Scout herd them and lick them and groom them and hug them while they all nap.  In the meantime, we're all eating dinner sitting on our knees on top of the chairs and benches. 

As if that weren't weird enough, we put up the Christmas tree.  Really, if you think about it, what a strange thing to do.  In a house this size, we, once a year, put up a giant tree (yes, the big tree was my choice lol) right in the middle of our living space, decorate it and commit ourselves to spending EXTRA time right there around the tree which has eaten up a huge portion of the small space normally allotted to us.  It worked okay when everyone was little.  Now that 2/3 of the 6 of us are over 6' tall, it's kind of ridiculous.  Now, toss in Aunt Bethany . . . errr . . . Scout into the mix.  

Scout has developed a love of the Christmas tree skirt.  Every night, she follows me into bed and waits for me to fall asleep.  Then, she sneaks out of the room, burrows under the tree, taking tons of ornaments with her to drag out the tree skirt.  She leaves the tree skirt in a heap in the middle of the living room and comes back to sleep under our bed as she always has.  If she wanted to sleep with or on the tree skirt, I'd be okay with that.  But, I'm not sure what she's doing - maybe she thinks it's ugly?  

This morning, though, I gave up.  I moved the low ornaments higher. I am leaving the tree skirt in the middle of the living room - and it's killing me!  I put a new nice cushy blanket in my bedroom for Scout to sleep on or drag around.  It's not a battle I'm going to win and I don't want to go down fighting it.  

I'm sticking pictures into this post at random so you get an idea of where and what I'm talking about  - see the pig cage under that table?  Makes you want to come eat at my house, doesn't it.  Gah! 

Flashbacks

It's been so cold here lately.  30 degrees tonight!  My winter garden is dead mostly.  Every time I step outside I'm flooded with flashbacks from growing up in Pittsburgh, where people live with actual cold for months and months.  I guess I lived with it too, but I much prefer real Florida winter 75 during the day and a nice 52 in the evening.  Cold, but not too.  Anyway, I was curious if any of you have similar "flashbacks."

1)  Waking up in the morning and eating cinnamon toast and drinking "tea" (I think it was mostly milk, but a blob of a tea bag and a lot of sugar) while we (my sister and I) propped our feet on the open, blasting oven door.  The kitchen was small and we were always warm and toasty as we left the house. 

2) Boots - When we were little, my sister and I wore those rubber boots you pulled over your shoes when it was wet or snowy.  Because the tops of the boots were loose-fitting, my mom took the extra precaution of wrapping our feet in bread bags over our shoes before we slid our feet into the boots.  Now, I think we all know that I have some issues as an adult.  Certain things need to be in certain places if I'm to be happy.  (It's not as crazy as it sounds.)  As a kid?  I was a parent's worst nightmare.  Things had to be exactly the way I pictured.  Not that I ever told anyone what the "picture" was.  They were grown ups, they should know.  So, when it came to the bread-bag-wrapping-of-the-feet, I was a monster.  The bags HAD to match.  I remember pitching a huge fit (which did not end well on my side) over having to wear a Town Talk (Pittsburgh bread) bag on one foot and a Wonder (delicious with bologna, potato chips and mayo) bag on the other.  Imagine the horror . . .  (I'm going to go sit under my bed for a little while and talk myself down.)

3) Being a teen - UGH!  Back in the late 70's/early 80's we didn't have back packs (and why did we not have back packs?) . . . when it was cold and slushy and/or snowy, my mom would make me wear boots and a hat and all of that.  Well, what was the point of getting up at 5 am to straighten and then re-curl my hair if I had to stick a hat on my head?  What was the point of my totally cute outfit if I had to wear goofy boots to walk the two miles to the high school?  I used to carry a GAP bag with me at all times.  Once I'd left the house, the hat, the boots and all the other sensible things went into the bag.  I would march bravely to school with no hat, clogs with heels and an open jacket.  Hah!  I showed them. 

What are your stories?  I know you have them!

Slacker . . .

That's me.  I'm a slacker.  It's December - almost mid-December - and I'm not feeling all that Christmas-y.  It's really hitting me that next year at this time, we'll all be waiting for Dan to come home.  He won't be here.  And, as much and often as he ticks me off, I'm going to miss him.  Andy is REALLY going to miss him.  

We decorated the tree.  I'm getting ready to redecorate it.  I love Mike and my sons, but they suck at tree decoration.  Yet, they all love the ornaments.  So we, every year, go through this goofy rite of them hanging the ornaments they love wherever on the tree and after they go to bed, I rearrange, add the garland and reset the lights.  (If you're just catching on the the fact that I'm a control freak, please start at the oldest archived post and read on from there ... it's not a secret!)

I think I have most of the shopping done.  I think.  I'm disappointed but not really surprised at the lack of soap
sales.  Like just about everyone out there, I'd hoped for more sales, but I'm okay with the sales I do have (thank you!).  

How are your holiday plans working out?

Start with what you know.

You know I'm weird.  Let's build on that, shall we?

I've mostly given up the 24-hour television-news-cycle, but I still read some sites when I'm online.  One site popped up this morning and the first story I clicked on has been bothering me all day long and I'm putting off bed because I know I'm going to have nightmares. 


This is the story.  Holy cow!  These women were hiding 4 pairs of boots and 3 pairs of jeans and more in their rolls of fat.  $2600 from a TJ Maxx. I'm not much of a shopper, but that's a LOT of stuff!  And here I worry about 5-10 pounds of PMS fat every month.   It has never once occurred to me that I could use my gooey-ness to my advantage and steal stuff with/via it.  But, how in the world do you inconspicuously stash this stuff under your rolls in the middle of a store???  How in the world do you hide a pair of boots under your boobs - ever? anywhere?  Even if they're really big boobs and really small boots?  HOW?  

And, I'm thinking if you have enough bulk to hide four pairs of boots in your boobs, maybe you don't need the boots. Your boobs are so big no one is ever going to look at your stolen boots - ever.  I dunno.  Jeans?  I'm curious about who they were shopping for - themselves? Where in the world does a person of any size hide a pair of jeans??

And we wonder why airport security is so tough? 

Where's the Crazy Glue?

Oh man, I finished up the Christmas decorating tonight.  After nearly 20 years, it happened.  I dropped Linus.  It's going to haunt me until I re-glue his head.  I'm so sorry Linus.